For most of her life, Cara has harbored a deep resentment toward her mother. When her father, her favorite person in the world, passes away in an accident. Their fragile relationship cannot handle anything else. But then, everything changes when Cara\u2019s mother drains her college fund. For as long as I could remember, my mother\u2019s insatiable greed and frugality cast a long, dark shadow over my childhood. It made no sense. We weren\u2019t a poor family \u2014 in fact,we were far from that. Both my parents earned more than enough to provide a comfortable life. My father, Henry, was a regional manager for a popular retail store. And my mother, Lydia, was a nurse. We were fine. And yet, my school years were marred by spending Saturday mornings at thrift stores, looking for hand-me-down clothes. My social life and birthday parties were basically non-existent, because attending these events meant buying gifts, and that was something my mother found utterly incomprehensible. Pocket money? That was a foreign concept to my mother. But then,a diary entry changed everything. Growing up, my father was my favorite. \u201cOh, Cara,\u201d he said, every night when he came to switch my bedroom light off. \u201cYou\u2019re my little light, you know that?\u201d Throughout my childhood, my father littered my bleak existence with joy. He would sneak in little treats, secrets trips to the movies when mom was working, and sometimes, he would simply buy me cotton candy \u2014 my favorite sweet treat. On the other side of it all, was my mother. She barely interacted with me, always lost in her own daydreams. But when it came to buying groceries, or switching off the lights,<\/p>\n
she was alert and strict. \u201cCome on, Cara,\u201d she would hiss under her breath. \u201cDo you think we\u2019re made of money? Switch off the light when you leave the room.\u201d once, when I was in high school, I got a part-time job at the local pet grooming salon. I just wanted to make some money for myself. \u201cGood, Cara,\u201d Dad said. \u201cThis is a good thing for you.\u201d Mom rolled her eyes. But when my first paycheck came in \u2014 Mom helped herself to more than half of it. \u201cI need it, Cara,\u201d she said. \u201cI\u2019m sorry but you don\u2019t understand how to run a household.\u201d This became a trend. And then, when I was almost done with school, my father got into an accident during a storm. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, honey,\u201d Mom said, coming into my room with her socks and slippers. \u201cDad didn\u2019t make it.\u201d The shock hit me from all directions, but more than that \u2014 I was shocked that Mom looked more stressed about the funeral preparations rather than the loss of my father. Mom and I slipped through life in silence after that. I didn\u2019t know how to navigate life with her. All I knew was that my father had put money away for me \u2014 my college fund. And I was so close to getting out. Just before my high school graduation, when I had begun applying to colleges, I found out that my mother had taken my entire college fund. You just don\u2019t understand, Cara,\u201d she said, sipping on a mug of tea. \u201cThere are some things that are bigger than you.\u201d But that was it. That was the final drop of water in the sinking ship that was our relationship. By then I had some savings, and I moved out. I rented out a room at a share-house, and took on longer hours at the salon. Years rolled by, and I continued to work and study part-time, and just when I thought that I had successfully buried that chapter of my life, a phone call uprooted everything. My mother had passed away. Despite the years of accumulated hurt and resentment, I found myself at her funeral. After the service, my mother\u2019s sister, Veronica asked me to go to my childhood home and sort through mom\u2019s belongings. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t know what to do, Cara,\u201d Veronica said. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t know if anything is valuable or not.\u201d Amidst the modest clothing and remnants of her life, my mother didn\u2019t have much. But as I was going through everything, I stumbled upon something unexpected \u2014 her diary. I couldn\u2019t even recall my mother having a diary. I didn\u2019t remember her writing in one. My fingers trembled as I held it. I knew my mother resented me, but did I want to read about it? I decided that I needed to \u2014 for the sake of closure, if anything. I sat in the living room, and began to flip through the pages. Dear Diary, I hate having to live like this, scrimping and saving, denying my daughter the joys of childhood. But I\u2019m trapped. Henry\u2019s decisions leave me no choice\u2026 I paused, feeling a knot form in the pit of my stomach. All these years, I was convinced that my mother was the villain in my story. It had never occurred to me that there might be something deeper fueling her frugality. Dear Diary, Cara is such a happy child. She\u2019s thriving in school, but I know it won\u2019t last. Her joy won\u2019t be the same anymore. Henry took out a business loan \u2014 he\u2019s convinced that he can make a mark in the waste-paper industry. But I\u2019m convinced that it is a mistake. I didn\u2019t know that my father did anything other than his job as a manager. Dear Diary, Henry\u2019s business venture failed. The debt has become a noose around our necks. I love that he was a dreamer, always taking risks. But now that there\u2019s no money left, Henry has turned to gambling. He hoped for a big win. But he has lost more. Our debt is enormous. My heart dropped to my stomach. My father? A gambler? Dear Diary, I did what I could. I\u2019ve been scraping together every penny to keep us afloat. But now, since his accident \u2014 all the debt has been transferred to me. I have so much to pay back. Cara barely looks at me, she thinks that I\u2019m not grieving Henry. I am. I\u2019m also just stressed out by what we\u2019re going to do next. Tears blurred my vision. I had been unaware of the dire consequences of my father\u2019s accident. I just knew that his insurance money came and went. Dear Diary, The most difficult decision I\u2019ve ever made was to use Cara\u2019s college fund. But I didn\u2019t have a choice. It was either that or we were going to lose our house and car. I couldn\u2019t lose the home that Cara grew up in. She needs to have the memories of her father. But she resents me. I see it in her eyes. She believes that I stole her future, when I used the money. I guess I did. A sob broke through my defenses. My mother hadn\u2019t taken my money out of greed \u2014 she did it to protect us from an even worse fate. Dear Diary, I see the hatred in Cara\u2019s eyes. She doesn\u2019t understand, and I can\u2019t blame her. She adores Henry, and she idolizes his memory. I couldn\u2019t tell her the truth. I couldn\u2019t tarnish that image. There\u2019s only silence between us. Guilt washed over me like a tidal wave. All these years, I had blamed my mother, I had despised her, while she carried this immense burden for my sake. The final entry broke me. Dear Diary, Today, the debt was finally cleared. Cara is free from this curse. She can live her life without this dark cloud looming over her. My only hope is that one day she\u2019ll understand that every sacrifice I made was out of love. Despite everything, I love that girl more than life itself. Closing diary, I was overwhelmed by a profound sense of remorse and understanding. Mom did it all for me. Months have passed, and Mom\u2019s diary sits on my bookshelf. But even though I understand everything now \u2014 I am ashamed of myself. I didn\u2019t stop to ask her more. I just thought that she was greedy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"For most of her life, Cara has harbored a deep resentment toward her mother. 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